"Well, are you still holding on?"

Yeah Scott. I'm holding on.

Am I holding on well? Fuck knows. I'm dealing with things a day at a time. Taking my punches and dealing with it. I plan for things as they come, I plan for the mays and may nots, I plan for the impossible and the unavoidable. Not that any of it can prepare for me truly for life, but I pretend, and I struggle on.

I find it not a flaw, but one of the few positive traits I possess, the degree to which I find myself loyal. It may be taken to unhealthy extents at time, and it may cause me to keep people at arm's length, but it makes those few I let in that much more precious to me, that much more important. And thus I'll be loyal to those, as long as they'll accept me. Although it might be a side effect of me being pretty stubborn, but I'll take it.

I've never felt this naked before, before certain individuals, and that's fine. I chose to do it, and I'll stand by my decision. So far it's done nothing leaning towards biting me in the butt, but so be it. It's terrifying, and painful, but I'll deal with it.

I make decisions in hopes of them paying off, eventually. I'm trying to be a better person with everything I got. And it's hard. And too often I just want to throw in the towel say fuck it and crawl into my corner and sleep away the world, but, I'll keep on going on. Not sure for what, or why. But I do

So yeah Scott, I'm still in one piece. Thanks to you, and the handful of others I call friends.