Thoughts

In a moment of clarity, I find myself with the capacity to say this.

There is someone in this world, whom I dearly love. And, love is the right for word for it. In too many senses of the word. And it's a terrible feeling. Absolutely terrible. It's done me no good. It's confusing, it's agonizingly painful, it's astonishing.  I hate it. But I can't bring myself to do anything about it. I am not capable of causing myself that much pain. I am not capable of giving up that badly. I am not capable of burning bridges thoroughly enough.

Unrelated:
I regret many things I've done, and continue to. I feel, at times, I have little control over myself. I hate that too.

Unrelated:
I want to be better, so bad. I try. I do. But I fail. So it matters not.

Unrelated:
I apologize too much, sometimes.