I want to go back

I want to go back to simpler times.
Times where I knew what I was doing.
Or times when I didn't worry about people
Or times when I didn't care about myself
Or times when my future was too far for me to care
Or times when I didn't have a truckload of baggage to carry.
Or times when I was happy.
Or times when I didn't know.

Basically. I hate the now. That's not always been the case. But it is now. And it's scary, and terrible, and I hate it. And Idk how to handle it in the least.  I just. I'm confused. Really confused.

I wish I had more of an idea what I was doing. I wish I could link my mind to others and let them know the world as I see it, as I feel it, as I fear it. Maybe then, I'd feel less alone.

In other news, wrecking myself to make sure I continue to trust people, is hard. Really hard.