Is basically how I feel about my life atm.
The antidepressants are slowly kicking in. But it's not making things any better because truckload of work is being dumped on my skull every day, from all across the board. It's a new feeling that I despise, and it's only made worse because I know that the only reason I'm there is because it's my fault, because I was depressed. I should have been stronger, is what I tell myself. I dont think I'll be bale to do everything I need to this semester, to keep my grades up. We'll see, but I doubt it. My grades have already plummeted real badly as a result of my depression, so getting them back up at this point, while not impossible, is unlikely. So. Shitballs.
And although the edge has gone off and I'm now capable of functioning, it's not really 100%, and it's not without it's interruptions of sheer agony. Idk what to do about it, or the new way of expressing despair that my body has. Idk why or how but I get strong pangs of despair, depression, loneliness, sorrow, etc, all at once. Briefly, never more than five minutes, but they hit like a ton of bricks. And they hit all of me, my body including. I feel sluggish when it happens and everything hurts as a result. Idk how to deal with it. It's just, painful.
I'm really, really tired. I feel like I'm not even walking forwards anymore, just, dragging my limp body as best I can.
No comments:
Post a Comment