Should I begin to stand up for myself?
I love her deeply, but she causes me, more often than not, more pain and sorrow than happiness. Her actions, despite her words, betray negative motivations. I'm torn between what to believe, and it continues to hurt. At the moment I'm stuck in a limbo of sorts, waiting on her to stop being angry at me for, what I'm supposing is calling her in the middle of the night? I'm sorry that I really badly needed someone, and thought I could rely on her.
Idk. So confused. So many emotions and I don't know how to deal with a single damn one of them. They take their toll and not-so-slowly tear me apart from the inside-out. And I have no way god damned way of dealing with them. Not right now, not while she's not willing to talk.
But is she ever willing to talk? Is the question. My greivances, if you will, are never addressed in anything remotely related to a civil manner. All attempts at civility are met with belligerence and an absolute unwillingness to cooperate. So what do I do? I don't know.
I'm confused, lost, and praying for a miracle. Praying harder than I should, forcing every ounce of mental capacity I have, into figuring this out. But I just. Can't. I don't know. I really don't.
How much longer can I go on without sleep, unable to keep food down, and in blinding emotional and mental pain?
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