Everytime I hear someone ask me "Are you ok?" or "What's wrong?" I just feel like slapping someone because the real answer has always been the same, and everyone knows it, so why bother asking.
Whats wrong? The fact some of the closest friends I've ever had, people I miss dearly and love and wish I could still be around, I won't be able to be around again because fuck life. I had finally found a place where I was happy with people whom I liked, and vice versa. I was content, happy even. The fact I can't go back, and that I'm stuck in hell with my parents is just... So mind boggling depressing i don't think anyone can fathom how bad it is.
I've fixed bridges that I thought I would never fix, and I was really happy at first, until I realized that all it's going to do is hurt more because I cna't take full advantage.... I have to start over again and that scares the living fuck out of me, because I generally suck at everything I try doing and fail miserably. I succeeded once, pretty sure it was a fluke, and that I'll never do it again.
It's not ok. I promise I'm not ok. I've lost all motivation to do everything and anything and it's really hard to do anything that's not mind numbingly boring, or sleeping. I can't... I've just hit a point where I'm just so done with fighting and trying and everything that I think I've hit the end. I'm done because everything I try blows up in my face regardless of what is done. Learned helplessness FTW. Add on top of it the ridiculous ammount that I miss two people and it's just... Too much to bear. I can't deal with it. I just can't.
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